“If I say, ‘Surely the darkness will hide me and the light will become night around me,’ even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.” ~Psalm 139:11-12
Scott spoke Sunday about trusting in the Lord’s sovereignty and goodness—something with which I struggle on a daily basis. Anyone who knows me well knows that I am full of anxiety. I worry about tornadoes and fires and car accidents…and tornadoes. I worry about something happening to my husband, something happening to me, and my husband being left alone. And now, with a 5-week old baby in my life my fears have increased exponentially. Most days I feel a prisoner of fear and I am reminded of the day Scott spoke about hope and quoting his friend he said, “The categories of optimism and pessimism don’t exist for me. I am a prisoner of hope. I am going to die full of hope.” And I LONG for my chains of captivity to be those of hope instead of fear. Scott read Psalm 139 on Sunday: “Search me and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” The Lord knew my anxious thoughts that day—severe weather was in the forecast and we were at a “moderate risk” for tornadoes—one of my greatest fears. This Scripture along with the others Scott shared challenged me to trust in God’s mysterious combination of goodness and sovereignty. I’m not sure how I did because the storms passed with just a few cracks of thunder and a little rain. But the threat of tornadoes having passed, my anxiety still remains. And as the shadow of darkness falls outside my window each evening, a shadow of fear also falls in my spirit. When we were seven it was the faceless boogeyman living under the bed or in the closet—now at 27 the boogeyman has all sorts of faces and dwells outside my front door. The Bible is full of thoughts on darkness—none positive that I can think of. But in reading Psalm 139 aloud this morning, I came across this verse that I’ve read so many times before: “If I say, ‘Surely the darkness will hide me and the light will become night around me,’ even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.” And I was struck by the fact that God, who spoke light into existence, is the same God whether it’s the sun or the stars that bring light to the land. And while the “boogeyman” may be able to lurk in the shadows of the mortal world clothed in darkness and ready to pounce, he stands naked in the spotlight of the God Almighty, unable to move a finger without His permission. This of course raises a whole new set of questions pertaining to why such permission is sometimes given—but that discussion if for another day. And as for this discussion? Well I’d love to say that reading this verse changed my life and I am now captivated by hope. But unfortunately that’s not the case. However, it is possible that a link in my chains has been broken and fear has a lesser hold over me than it did yesterday. And it is possible that the darkness seems a little less foreboding as my Father stands with power over it. And it is possible that hope seems a little more realized as I face the days ahead.
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
~Romans 15:13
“I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.” ~Psalm 4:8